They Stole My Underpants!

In total Caleb has missed 25 days of school. It is impossible for him to leave the house. The only place he has been in the past month or so is to the doctor. But, missing that much school does not mean he wanted to spend his spring break getting an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy. I can just imagine Caleb's response if asked to write about his spring break. "I had a camera stuck down my throat and up my butt." If you don't think that is exactly how Caleb would respond, then you don't know Caleb very well. 

I guess this would be a great time for a little disclaimer. I use what some would say is inappropriate or unconventional humor in stressful situations. OK, not just in stressful situations, I use unconventional humor all the time. Kevin is the same way and our children have definitely inherited that trait. I will say, we aren't classless about it. We know our audience and hold back when necessary. I also don't want any readers to think that I am downplaying Caleb's situation by making jokes. This is an extremely serious and dangerous disease but I am also a firm believer in "laughter is the best medicine". When you laugh, your muscles relax and your circulation improves along with a myriad of other things that are good for you. So now that you have been warned, I will continue with the story of endoscopy and colonoscopy day. 

We arrived at Dell at 6 on the morning of March 13 for his tests. We were the first ones there so there was very little waiting in the lobby. When we were called back, Caleb was weighed. He had now lost 25 pounds since January 18. 

He put on the hospital gown and we made stupid corny jokes as we waited. I asked if he was nervous multiple times. Finally he got fed up and said, "I'm not but if you keep asking me then I am going to think I should be." Fair enough. Many different people came in and out of our room with questions, hooking up machines, and a play by play of how the rest of Caleb's morning would go. It didn't seem like very long before they came and got Caleb to walk back to the pre-op room. The nurse glanced down and said, "Oh, honey, you need socks. Why didn't they bring you any socks to wear?" Before Caleb could answer, she was out and back in with a box of those non-slip hospital socks. Then she took a better look at his feet. "Oh, maybe they didn't get you socks because we don't carry any that big in the children's hospital!" She got him a medium anyway and they mostly fit. Caleb wouldn't have said anything if they didn't. As he walked out the door, he grumbled, "I love you, I guess." in the mocking tone he does at home all the time. I answered back in that same mocking tone, "Love you too, I guess."

I texted, played games, and worked on report cards while I waiting. A nurse came back in and told me that he was in recovery and his doctor would be in soon to talk to me. It wasn't long before his doctor came in. I could tell by her face that it wasn't good. She sat next to me and sighed heavily as she told me what they saw in his scopes. Severe inflammation and pools of blood. Colon and intestines are in bad shape. She wanted to get biopsies back before we can discuss a treatment plan. She hoped to have them back on Wednesday so we scheduled a virtual visit for Wednesday afternoon. 

Shortly after the doctor left, Caleb was wheeled back in the room in a hospital bed. The nurse said he should be waking up soon. I got up, walked over, and pushed his hair away from his face. His eyes opened, he looked right at the nurse and then at me and said, "THEY STOLE MY UNDERPANTS!" The nurse and I both busted out laughing and Caleb turned his head away and went right back to sleep. He doesn't remember that. 

After we were home and he slept for most of the day, he asked about the results. 

"What does inflamed mean?" 

"It means your guts are irritated. HaHa! Your guts are irritated!" 

"Haha, your breasts had cancer!" 

And that is that unconventional humor I was talking about earlier. 

The two days we waited to get the biopsy results back seemed like forever.